There are moments when I just need to cry. And there’s nothing that makes me upset in particular. I start thinking about life, what I’m thankful for, what I wish would change, and I let myself have a good cry. Maybe I find some reason to justify it. But I have to let go of the energy, as it becomes another emotion I need to release. I rarely cry for any reason, so I just let myself have that moment whenever it comes. Fortunately though, I feel a greater connection to myself after I let it all out. Ain’t life funny?
I recently received the news that I did not get the internship position that I so desperately wanted. It would have provided me the great opportunity to travel to another state, the big apple to be more exact, and get a taste of the real corporate world. Maybe they thought I was too good for the position. That I had a job now and they should give it so someone more "deserving". I shrug my shoulders and I ask God why sometimes. I have been so fortunate in the past, I get upset, but I have to remember that I can't get it all. Maybe He is keeping me from some dangers that would've come from traveling, some nasty personalities, or a horrible situation. I'll never know, but I know that He is guiding me in the right direction. I feel as though I am to fault for all the bad karma I put out there, from alienating certain people and not always telling the truth to others. I guess this is where I need to improve.
Maybe there's a better situation in which I can apply myself, and this in turn get me to where I need to go. I would be lying to say if I wasn't worried. I really need an internship; it remains the only uncertainty I have in order to graduate. Here's when I get that cliche advice about the door and windows closing and all that jazz. Its hard to remain so optimistic, but I need to remember to count my blessings. And when all is said and done, everything does happen for a reason, even if I don't know it yet.
So that marks pretty much the end of my year and even though this Christmas hit a low note, I'm going into 2011 with a renewed spirit. (There's a guy I'm talking to and things seem to be going positively with him, I'm excited for what the future holds for the two of us together)
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