Playing Passionately

Just a collection of my writing with a splash of pop-culture.

Last post for the month. August could not come soon enough!


*Thanks to my recent discovery of Cosmopolitan.com, I have become more secure and confident that I can rock this school year at my sensual best. Time will reveal all, let's hope.

Monday · July 6, 2009 · 12.28 am


"Let the Bad Egg Get Lost, Open Your Arms to the Genuine One (Right One is Too Cliché)"


Can we say Meeee-oooow? Oui, thanks Cosmopolitan, I discovered, unearthed if you choose- that my flirty side is little frightened kitty in the corner of a dark room. Now don’t get me wrong, I can be girly if I choose, I’m just a little – let’s say hesitant – when it comes to being forward with guys and putting myself on the ever-so-thin line. Like walking the tightrope and praying to all that is holy that something doesn’t set you over the edge falling like a rock in water. Call it by the psychological name: Fear of Rejection. Hmm, let’s look a little deeper into this word, reject. To cast off, to refuse to have, vomit? Ok maybe a little extreme on the last word. Ugh, I shudder at the thought of it, and I won’t go to deep into it because it’s just fueling the fear. My little voice is screaming “GET OVER IT GIRL! JUST PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE!” Yes my friends, easier said than done. But I have to promise myself that maybe I just need to be a little more forward than usual in a defined way; give that lingering touch, play with the gaze into his eyes. Ha, wish me luck, I’m gonna try to go into the game with a new additude without saying to the guy “Here it all is, grab as much as you can!” Because let’s be honest here, the last time I did that, the um male friend wanted to take it a little more than a kiss all the way into his pants (Hey buddy, let’s recount that just because we’ve met about two previous times - they weren't even official dates, ok maybe one was – doesn’t mean I wanted to give you a handy job behind a building at night!) Heh, yeah, I’ll pray in the future that I can be friends/meet guys that respect me more than that. That’s what is important to me. Mutual respect. Got that guys? - Ya listening? – Then you at least have your foot in the door with me. Treat a lady with respect! Take the initiative and go in for the kiss. Be a gentleman, we still believe in chivalry. Humor always grabs my heart. But my number one rule for those future endeavors is No Expectations. Yes, because I could be eliminating alot of eligible guys who are genuinely good catches.


So what have we learned from all of this? Well besides that I obviously have some bad memories hanging in the back of my closet, I promise to let my inner sexy kitty out once in a while. She needs a little sunshine too. Not to mention that I will not let my single desperation get the best of me in situations that can go 180 degrees in a matter of seconds. Thanks for listening to my rant, ahhh, writing therapy feels good.


Note to Self: Hey Genius! It’s just that simple: Say hi and give him a genuine compliment. Sometimes it’s the first step that’s stopping you, and putting yourself out there is not as scary as it seems.


Live. Laugh. Love

Copyright 2009


Preparing to head back to school in less than three months. This, just taking a look back at what I wrote in the previous month.


Saturday, June 20, 2009 · 12.29 am


Note to Guys: Don’t hang out with a girl who likes the Twilight Saga (which cuts out like one-third of the population) because you’ll kill any chance of reaching her expectations. Whether that’s the love interest of no-fail Edward Cullen, or the perfectly supportive best friend Jacob Black, or even the never-gonna-get-a-chance Mike Newton. Thanks a bunch Stephenie Meyer :)


See, summer doesn’t always go to a waste; I enriched my well being:


1. Saw dolphins near the shore of my hometown beach. First time seeing dolphins in person ever.

2. Found a perfectly intact starfish, an almost-there sand dollar, and an perfect spiral shell (organism inside just died)
3. Graced the beaches a total of ___ times and officially thinking I could become a part-time resident of Ariel’s world under the sea.
4. Created omelets that would blow the socks off of Emril’s and mastered the art of cracking an egg with one hand.
5. Read ___ books in total, and formed a new, not-so-healthy relationship with the Twilight Saga.
6. Researched my major and heading on the path of success!
7. Held about ___ heart-to-heart conversations. Yeah, those really deep ones where you love the person you’re talking to, makes you see in a new perspective/light.
8. Befriended my neighbor’s cat and I swear there’s a human inside of that creature. People think he/she “talks” to me? Recognizes my voice from across the street. Aww, formed a little connection with the orange tabby.
9. Actually finished a painting.
10. Noles and Gators can live in harmony? Haha, right.
11. Devoured one of THE BEST authentic Mexican burritos while visiting my sis in Jax. That, right there, would be my last meal.
12. You can never get enough Chelsea Lately.
13. My nails may need rehab from the number of different polish colors they’ve seen in the past months.
14. Sleeping for 10 hours at a time is a blessing in itself. I “recovered” all those lost brain cells from the school year. Oui!


Copyright 2009

Who writes on their computer for fun?


Well to answer that question, let me take you back a few chapters. It all started in the fall of 2005. Then I was a fresh-faced sophomore attending High School. There were days where I tried to figure out simultaneously what I want to do now in my social life, and what I need to do later in order to accomplish my long term goals. The questions that I assume to answer are rhetorical, yet not. Eh, you figure it out, I’m burned.


Tired of running in the shadow of your memory.

The end of life? Not so much.

The end of today, in many ways.


Monday, December 15, 2008 · 11.23 PM


Now if I were to go back to high school, which I am about to do tomorrow - there would be no issues with guys. I would not have that tinge of hesitance, shyness, or resistance when it came to getting to know them. I don’t want to say it’s like they are beneath me, but… they are beneath me. I can go for college guys now. High school guys are immature anyways. Why couldn’t I see that before? I can be friends with them. The sexual tension; romance peer pressure does not exist anymore. It never really existed, but in that of my own head. Maybe I can find the excuse or blame it on how small my school is/was. College has tens of thousands of people and guys. The invisible walls that had stopped me before disappeared as they handed me my diploma. Why did I let this high school persona stop me? I may never know why. What I do realize now is that I am bigger then what others create for me. I will tell myself how I define these situations. Who is in control is ultimately up to me.


Now only if I can see my college guys as that. I believe I can and will. Be friends first, that has always been my motto, though I failed to follow it at times.


Today is what you make it.


As of now, I am debating whether I should start writing my thoughts on the computer verses my ways of by hand in the Tweety chronicles. There’s that essence of writing by hand that just cannot be reproduced on the computer, as well as privacy. What is on an electronic is essentially for all of the world to see. What you write in a book that is hopefully only posses in your eyes is just that…. Only for your eyes and no one else. It’s easier and faster to write on here. My “online” notebook. The additional drawback to this type of writing is the stupid spell checker that insists your slang is incorrect. Well here’s a thing for you Microsoft Word!!!- LMAO, deuce to yo mother. But whatevs. I guess I’ll see how I feel in the coming days.


What do I hope to accomplish in the last few weeks of this year? Well, to be honest, not more than what I accomplished for the first 90 percent of the year. It is what is it is. What shall be done, shall commence and there forth final. Yeah, I don’t know where this Shakespeare talk came from all of a sudden. Maybe it’s from all the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I have consumed in the past four days. The audio book, the movie, revering the book, website, watching the movie again and again and again. Shall I continue? I think you get the point.


Just like my short story for English 1101 class, the television echoes in the background as I sit amazingly consuming the oh so awesome Chelsea Lately.


With past diary entries, I talk about my day. Yes, I have wanted to talk about this more, but today was not one of those days. Not worthy of being talked about. This, like past events is a moment of reflection. Where I have to, I must, stop myself and reflect on who I am, what I’m doing, and where I’m heading.


That fresh faced girl. Yeah that one. No not you, the girl sitting next to you.


©2008


So as I spend my summer her twiddling my thumbs away, I though I would share some of my writing with you guys. Just the introspective me rambling away with no one to listien. Kidding! A raw straight-from-head-to-keybord memo, so there may be a few mistakes here and there. Hope you all enjoy. More to come :)


Friday, June 19, 2009 · 3.40 am


After reading one of Stephenie Meyer’s passages in Midnight Sun, things began to clarify. A little self-light bulb went off in my head as things started to come together and make sense. That one line described a facet of my personality. “She had grown up too early”.


I maintained a long-term “only child” status at eight years old after my sister left for college in the fall. It all made sense to me at that very moment. My sister was almost a decade older than me and I faced head on the trait of independence. This could possibly explain why I always didn’t mind taking care of others; while never wanting to be taken care of myself. Contradictory, I was still that little girl inside who refused to grow up and confront the fact that I was the younger of two and the baby of the family. I lived in my own world with no one around the same age except for my friends in school, so there was a lot of time for self reflection and growing up.


“Oh you’re such a good person to talk to. You give the best advice. I really enjoy our conversations.” I had heard it all. And it’s not the fact that I didn’t like the compliment to my character. It’s just the fact that I was still looking, longing, to find that one person, that one very good friend, or extraordinary significant other in which I could spill and vent, and know that the other person on the line was listening. I longed for that open ear, that shoulder to cry on. It was often and unspoken fact that I wore the mask of strength.


So I see my aura as that of an optimistic dreamer, a positive spirit, and always supportive of my friends. I live in my own little version of the world in my head and secretly love the geeky side to any character. Music is also my love along with dancing. Those two interwove hand-in-hand, and if I tried hard enough, I could probably choreograph a routine that ran a total time of, oh, say 30 minutes. A mass of self-reflection would be an understatement. A ballpark guesstimate would be that I’ve spent more time reflecting off of life’s water than actually sleeping or eating, combined. Under the surface lied a great deal of soul searching results over a handful of emotionally damaging events. I’d like to believe I’m very perceptive in her ways; from the way people treat each other, the tone of voice, and the things they say. All of this was absorbed and yet ricocheted back into the atmospheric universe.


Those silly online quizzes almost got me down to a T. These came close to hitting some of the characteristics lying in my personality. Loves to enjoy life. True. Great sense of humor. True. Totally active and restless. True and True. Hasty decision maker, brainy and clever. There was one result that, the moment I read it, struck me to her core in a superficial sort-of way. It was the question of “What Kind of Mask Do You Wear?” In it the results read as so: “Your mask is strength. You try hard to fend for yourself. You do not let others do things for you. You often need to be in control of a situation, even if you can't handle it alone. You are always putting on a front, even if you don't feel strong at all. You don't let others see you when you're vulnerable, because you barely let yourself be. Despite your flaws of always trying to act strong, you are a strong person, with strong character that can do anything you put your mind to. A lot of the times you really don't need anyone, and are perfectly capable on your own. However, there are times you find yourself wanting to let someone in but are not really sure how to.” Independent to a fault. Valuable in some senses, a flaw in other lights.


©2009

Why It Began

My version of an online journal/blog/soapbox rolled into one. Only recently have I started publishing my entries online, so sit back, relax, and enjoy!
P.S. I would LOVE any feedback you have for me as a writer. As of right now, I'm just writing for personal experience, but if you have any advice for me, I would gladly appreciate.
Thanks Again

Copyright 2009 - Playing Passionately

Blogspot Theme designed by: Ray Creations, Ray Hosting.