Well dang, no entries for the month of September. I was hoping for at least an entry every other week. But hey, life happens. So here's the window to my brain. This was going to be an entry for September, but looks like I couldn't make it in time. Ooooo, well. Here's my recollection from a thought during my philosophy class.
Monday September 28th, 2009 * Sometime During Philosophy Class
To self: "I don't know what I want. What is it that would make me happy? When I was younger and lanky, I wished so desperately that my body would fill out. Now as I gain more weight, I find myself wishing for my former lanky self" I think I'm coming to these thoughts because of my lanky friend who seems to attract them all because she is so obviously different body-type wise. "Yes, it's easy to say to be satisfied with what you have. What about the guys? What do they want? I feel myself asking all of the questions and never fully getting the answer." A right one, is such a thing exists. I've always loved my body. But what am I doing with it? I feel (felt, now) physically low and I need to find my way out of the tunnel."
So now I think, be honest with yourself, just in case you weren't doing that already. You are, as Jason Mraz puts it best - A Beautiful Mess. Did he write this song for me? Sure sounds like it:
You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]
We're still here
What a beautiful mess, this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"
Through, timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But its nice today. Oh the wait was so worth it.
So, yes I have my flaws, but Jason makes me feel better after listening to this. Oh how I love him so.