Playing Passionately

Just a collection of my writing with a splash of pop-culture.

Vile Personality. Bitter about nothing. Is it the jealousy, is it your insecurity? Its a sad fact that I would never be friends with you in real life if you weren't related to me. Its a sad fact that I am much closer to people who I share no blood with. Our bond as friends, and the things I know about them greatly surpasses the fragile relationship I have with you. I rarely call you becasue all you do is work. You have no passions in life, no inner desire or burning flame. It makes me sad that all you care about is money and it serves as the foundation for a lot of your arguments. I can't believe how rude you are to your parents. Why would you envy me? I'm a good 10 years younger than you. Are you upset about my success? 

I can't figure you out. And you're at that age where all your friends are married and have kids. Or at least they've been in a few relationships. What do you have to show for yourself? A measly 401k and a couple of stocks? Really? You're off the handle becasue you don't understand. Its a sad fact that I know you wouldn't hesitate to put the law between us; you would sue someone in a heartbeat. Is it worth it? Do you realize how petty you are? Do you realize that you do in fact hold a grudge. You've been holding this grudge for a very long time. It sits like a festering wound at the base of your mind. And you let that get in the way of the rest of your life.  I Don't Undserstand You, And I Am Afraid I Never Will

There are moments when I just need to cry. And there’s nothing that makes me upset in particular. I start thinking about life, what I’m thankful for, what I wish would change, and I let myself have a good cry. Maybe I find some reason to justify it. But I have to let go of the energy, as it becomes another emotion I need to release. I rarely cry for any reason, so I just let myself have that moment whenever it comes. Fortunately though, I feel a greater connection to myself after I let it all out. Ain’t life funny?

I recently received the news that I did not get the internship position that I so desperately wanted. It would have provided me the great opportunity to travel to another state, the big apple to be more exact, and get a taste of the real corporate world. Maybe they thought I was too good for the position. That I had a job now and they should give it so someone more "deserving". I shrug my shoulders and I ask God why sometimes. I have been so fortunate in the past, I get upset, but I have to remember that I can't get it all. Maybe He is keeping me from some dangers that would've come from traveling, some nasty personalities, or a horrible situation. I'll never know, but I know that He is guiding me in the right direction. I feel as though I am to fault for all the bad karma I put out there, from alienating certain people and not always telling the truth to others. I guess this is where I need to improve. 

Maybe there's a better situation in which I can apply myself, and this in turn get me to where I need to go. I would be lying to say if I wasn't worried. I really need an internship; it remains the only uncertainty I have in order to graduate. Here's when I get that cliche advice about the door and windows closing and all that jazz. Its hard to remain so optimistic, but I need to remember to count my blessings. And when all is said and done, everything does happen for a reason, even if I don't know it yet. 

So that marks pretty much the end of my year and even though this Christmas hit a low note, I'm going into 2011 with a renewed spirit. (There's a guy I'm talking to and things seem to be going positively with him, I'm excited for what the future holds for the two of us together)

Why It Began

My version of an online journal/blog/soapbox rolled into one. Only recently have I started publishing my entries online, so sit back, relax, and enjoy!
P.S. I would LOVE any feedback you have for me as a writer. As of right now, I'm just writing for personal experience, but if you have any advice for me, I would gladly appreciate.
Thanks Again